He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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