I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
