She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
being pregnant is like rehab
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
