How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
