I think im going to throw up on grandma
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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