she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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