I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
