by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
