In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
