He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
