I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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