i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
