I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
