so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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