You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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