Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
