so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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