he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
