he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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