You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
