Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
