Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
