I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
