my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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