Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
