I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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