hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
