best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
