so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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