My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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