Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
