no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
