The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
