just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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