i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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