My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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