I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
