i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I need water and some morals
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
