i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
