it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
