why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
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