Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
