Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
