apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
should my penis look like a turkey
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
