I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
