THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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