Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
