The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
