I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Rumble strips road head = magical
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
