worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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