Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
