you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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